Known Unknowns

You need to be made aware of the damage you have caused. You need to be made aware that your actions have had severe emotional consequences. I am ground zero. I burden most of the pain. But my family is hurt. My friends are hurt. They used to be your family. They used to be your friends. They used to love you but you turned your back on them too.

Do you have any idea what it’s like knowing that the person you trusted most in this world, the person who you thought was your best friend, has betrayed you without any hesitation? Without making an effort to fix whatever perceived “problems” we had? Do you have any idea what it’s like to feel your chest constantly being crushed and your gut twisted into knots every single day because the person you loved and thought loved you back not only didn’t love you, but has shown that they never actually cared about you?

Do you have a clue what it’s like to be physically shaking with so much rage and torment because you just saw your wife walking down the street with the man she just told you she had been sleeping around with? To have to pull your car over because you can’t focus on what’s in front of you because you’re completely lost in your own head? And then when you confront her about it, she acts as if it’s not a big deal?

Do you know what it’s like to be consumed with hatred for 2 years and counting because it’s the only way keep the pain from completely destroying you and sucking you back into an emotional black hole that you constantly struggle to stay out of?

Can you possibly comprehend when your significant other hated her mother for years for having an affair, has a best friend whose ex-husband had an affair and yet does the same thing? You pretended to not know what you were doing. To not know if you were “ready to be married” (Why are you questioning this less than a year after the wedding and not in any of the 8 years prior?).  You knew exactly what you were doing. You knew exactly how to abuse the trust we had built in order to get what you wanted and yet you don’t have the faintest idea as to the wreckage you left behind. Heather Elise Wade